sherlene_heng's Xanga

Don't Leave Home.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:28:12 GMT

My mom and I spent all Thursday night carting boxes out of my place...and into my mom's place...

How absolutely CRAZY is it that a whole 6 months has passed since May and now I'm back at my parents'! I can't just scoot over here for dinner anymore, and when I'm tired of them, drive back home... I can't have whoever I want over whenever I want, or leave everything lying around for days, or walk around half dressed cooking Shin Ramyun and dancing to Pitbull, or pee with the door wide open... ... ... (well I could but it would be highly embarrassing when Rob and all of Shermaine's other friends decide to suddenly appear at my place!)

I slept over here yesterday and I swear it was so weird to be around people all the time. My family isn't even that bad; no one is really home much what with working odd hours (my mom has appointments all the time and my dad works til about 1am) and weird going out hours (like Shermaine going to uni at 1am...)...but it's just...not the same...!

Shermaine and I share a wardrobe and OMG I cannot stand it I am definitely swapping rooms with her ASAP! I swear at least three times yesterday someone walked into my room while I was asleep and it was crazy disconcerting - that just Does Not Happen when you live by yourself or if it does you quickly scream very loudly, hope to hell your neighbours hear you, and dial 000!

Today it's not even like I have a choice; the place is rented out for real!

Not that I'm complaining with the rent I'm pulling - at $350 a week I figure it won't be long before I can actually buy my Chanel without being broke! There's actually a washing machine here so I don't have to lug stuff around, and I can just walk downstairs to get food instead of driving down the street to the supermarket coz my cupboards are so empty!

Still, I'm gonna miss my place - it was great while it lasted!

Camaradrie and All That Jazz...

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 10:01:24 GMT

(I think I spelt that wrong...)

You know what I realised yesterday; it's nice to be part of a 'community' - like a group of people that you identify with for various attributes e.g.

I drive a Smart and everytime I see another Smart we beep our horns at each other or smile and wave, or I used to get 'join our Smart club' flyers tucked under my windscreen! It's nice! We went for a Smart drive day once!

Or like yesterday I was a zombie (with Dave and Brett) and everywhere we went in the City and each time we saw another zombie we felt this kinship at being part of a community that lurched across roads and muttered 'brrrrrrraaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnssssssss' at unassuming strangers. It was nice!

Or you know you're Asian and then random Asian people try to speak to you in random Asian languages when they see you on the bus or on the street.

Although not so much the last one. That's more Adam Loh.

(That usually freaks me out because my Chinese is so bad)

Is this why people join churches, dance classes, Alcoholics Anonymous, book clubs, yada yada? Oh what a feeling; community. Ah, lame.

The Saddest Song.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:10:41 GMT

Someone I know passed away over the weekend.

He'd been dealing with kidney issues for what was it, 8 years, and then he finally got a transplant, and then he didn't make it. That sucks.

I didn't know him very well; we never had a chat or anything except in passing, but he was undoubtedly a part of my life over the last 7 or so years since I first met him. You never really think about how long you've known a person, but he was always somewhere around; I used to see him at Metros (!), we did the Prodigal Son dance rehearsals for weeks, you know like he was just a decent guy, laid back, easygoing, nice guy...

It's sad you know? Like at the funeral this afternoon, everyone seemed to be crying. People you don't expect to ever see crying; the people who I've compartmentalized in my little brain as 'non-criers' were crying. People giving speeches were crying. And as much as the ceremony was supposed to celebrate his life and not be sad and depressing, somehow everything was sad; the slideshows were sad, having a coffin in the room was sad, even the fact that there were pallbearers walking around was sad.

Garr, I'm not really in tune with this emotion of sadness. I just get awkward and uncomfortable. People crying seriously disconcerts me. I don't know what it is; it's easy for me to deal with anger and annoyance and happiness and all that, but sadness is I guess, not something I've been exposed to a lot. Crying to me is embarrassing (ok well I cried at Up and that was actually probably embarrassing in itself and not because of the crying), it's weird, it's like a foreign emotion. Other people crying just makes me want to cover my ears and run around in circles or hide under something.

Justina and I kind of sidestepped the condolence line; I suppose a part of being an 'adult' is being mature enough to handle these things and the suckiness of life and probably escaping sadness by literally and physically avoiding it is not a good sign of growing up, but...even so...

Double garr.

Anyway, this post isn't supposed to discuss my oddity, but it's hard not to relate things back to yourself.

We'll miss you, Lionel Kobelke.

Memory.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:08:00 GMT

Memories are a funny thing.

It's been just over a month and I seem to have lost my grip on what I remember and what I just imagined really happened.

When you're sitting across from a cop who albeit he says his purpose is to 'help you' I always feel like I'm under attack. Like I can't really trust him in case he uses everything I say against me. And I'm not even the accused; I'm on the right side for once! You got to feel sorry for the ones who've actually been charged sometimes...

So in the intervening period I can't trust my memories. I can't decide if I've made up what I've seen in the last x days, or if I actually saw it. I can't make out faces or features, I can't even say if the guy had long hair or a ponytail... I can't decide for sure (well I definitely can't swear on my life) whether he was being dragged forward or backward or sideways or standing or sitting or leaning or lying. I don't think I saw his fist actually hit his face, or the moment of that impact. The worst thing is this exchange:

"So which side of his face was injured?"
"The left. My left"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Um, yeah? Like his right. My left. Right. Left"
"Are you certain it was his left?"
"OMG is that wrong? I should know it! Right? Left?"
"Ok I'm just going to put down that one of his eyes was injured"

It turns out I was in fact correct the first time! It seems like it's so easy to put doubt in one's mind when you're not really 100% sure and you don't have backup evidence with you to corroborate the fact. WHY WAS THERE NO VIDEO! And how could I stuff up such an easy question! I knew it! And then I didn't!

Imagine me on a witness stand:

"Are you sure he was punched?"
"Yes"
"Were you with him the whole time?"
"Um, yes?"
"Did you look away?"
"Well... there were moments when I was trying to get the bouncer to let him go where I wasn't actually looking at him I suppose"
"Is it possible in that time he could have punched himself?"
"No"
"How do you know?"
"Um, I just do"
"So it's possible?"
"Welllllllll, I suppose so?"
"Your Honour, I conclude that the victim in fact punched himself and then walked into a pole. There was no corroborative evidence to suggest otherwise"

LAW SUCKS! I hate the scum that is my profession! SCUM!

Free Fallin'.

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 04:03:49 GMT

I'm sitting here waiting for Ken to finish work so that I can drag his ass to more art galleries (muahaha) and I have realised, you know what? I am becoming more of a shit stirrer. And I LIKE it!

I like bringing up things that you didn't think I knew that you said about me behind my back and drop it into conversation and say... SO WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT HUH.

I like purposely looking for people who are avoiding me. (as opposed to avoiding people as I have on MANY occasions in the past)

I like bringing up confrontational and uncomfortable - squirm - inducing topics.

But it's all underlaid by the old super passive-aggressiveness; you should hear me when I'm ranting about certain people to Ken. Or to other people. Muahaha.

I don't know. I'm becoming better at the bluntness required by shit stirring. I used to be a lot more 'don't rock the boat', more passive aggressive.

I think tis a good thing, don't you?

Or not...

Running Back.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 11:37:05 GMT

It is seriously not that hard to go online and just submit my freaking visa application for the UK.

Really.

It might take say, about 10 minutes of my time, and 10 minutes at the Embassy doing biometrics.

What is wrong with me?

For the time it just took me to write this post I could have just submitted the application!

Hell, for the time it took me to go through Facebook just then I probably could have submitted a DOZEN applications!

HELP!

Insane in the Membrane.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:49:41 GMT

And now, time for another terrible Sherlene update, brought to you by the letter I. For insane.

Obviously work is really getting to me. I still try and go home at 5pm, but usually I don't make it out til 6pm (which isn't so bad comparatively, but I've been spoilt, leave me alone) and when I leave, I leave mounds of work behind which I just can't be bothered finishing anymore. Can't stop talking about all the terrible things that happen to my clients (in a completely confidential non disclosing kind of way); poor Ken.

In other news, it struck me today that I have obsessive compulsive disorder; otherwise known as complete anality.

[note 1] Has anyone seen 500 Days of Summer?
Her: "My nickname in school was Anal Girl"
Him: *chokes* *splutters*
Her: O_O. Because I was ORGANISED.

Digressions aside; 10 reasons why when combined in one person, I am in fact and actually OCD-esque.

1. I arrange my workload in alphabetical order. Like alphabetical order to the FIFTH letter. And then I do my work according to the pile; which means that if you're a Z person, you've got real problems. And I can't stop doing it;

2. If I don't clear my email everyday as in actually physically print it, delete it, delete it from the Recycle Bin, I feel lost inside;

3. I record every single freaking thing I spend. Like everything. To two decimal places. EVERYTHING;

4. I open websites on my IE in the SAME ORDER every time. The SAME;

5. I put stuff in my bag according to my Mental Checklist. Who even has a mental checklist of stuff in their bag!?;

6. When I withdraw money I try and draw it down to a nice number ending in ...500, or ...000;

7. I actually read all my old news feed on Facebook (actually I think this is less OCD than scary neighbourhood stalker);

8. I have in fact aligned peas in a straight line on my plate like OOOOOOOOOO;

9. I make lists. Lists of EVERYTHING. Lists of what to download. Lists of where to go. Lists of what to buy. LISTS; and

10. For goodness sake, all my photos on Facebook are arranged in WEEKS OF THE YEAR! People are starting to comment on it when they see me in person! People are starting to NOTICE MY WEIRDNESSES!

I'm kind of disturbed by myself. Disturbed I tell you, disturbed! Was I always this insane!????? I think my law firm drove me mad! Literally!

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:46:49 GMT

It's a public holiday today, and I got up, read the Lost Symbol, took intermittent hour long naps throughout the day and generally ignored calls on my mobile phone.

It sounds like a terrible way to live but I absolutely loved the break that was today.

I think, sometimes, I just need days like this, when I'm not having to go to work, and not sickly and dying (which is why I'm not at work) and not on holiday rushing about madly (which, fun as it may be, is pretty draining when you get back) (and which is what all my annual leave is used for; maybe I should take a leaf out of Weiwei's book and just take annual leave to sit at home and relax), and not out with friends, etc.

I thought this morning that this was because I was getting old and solitude was starting to appeal to me, but I realised that way back when, when I had uni holidays, I used to spend a couple days a week just sitting around doing nothing too. I remember there were stretches of 2 days or something where I didn't shower just coz I couldn't be bothered getting out of bed (hehe).

So yay that the Queen is older, and yay that (for now) we're still a monarchy, and we get a day off to celebrate this.

I've been going out a bit in the last week and feeling a bit guilty, like, omg Chung is suffering and if I wasn't so impulsive, then maybe he wouldn't have gotten in trouble, but I think I have to stop beating myself up about it. I AM sorry, but I'm sorrier that the bouncers took it upon themselves to go crazy like that. I guess that part was out of my control. Still...

Nonetheless, I actually had a good time over the week, and I'm glad Ken and I went to the Royal Show yesterday and saw weird looking chickens, and carried around a giant inflatable sword and pointed it in the air at random intervals (hehe). Yay for absurd behaviour. A lot of the people yesterday were there with their children, and giant backpacks / prams full of children stuff. Freaky. I don't want to get any older. Shucks.

Catch My Disease [[graphic imagery hahaha]]

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:25:34 GMT

Saturday 12th: wake up middle of night. thumb throbbing. very sad.

Monday 14th: thumb is turning green. goes to pharmacy. gets betadine.

Tuesday 15th: thumb turns orange from all the betadine. starts to look like an oompa loompa.

Friday 18th: thumb is ridiculously swollen still. go to doctor. take antibiotics. doctor says i should not lance it as i will get more infected and DIE. (doctor does not actually say that. that would be negligent medical advice).

Friday 18th (later): refuse to take antibiotics as want to drink alcohol.

Sunday 20th: greenness spreads. some greenness is emitted! screams loudly.

Monday 21st: GIANT greenness under skin filling entire swollen surface. very freaked out. screams loudly. goes to doctor. doctor pokes anasthetic. anasthetic actually hurts more than thumb has ever hurt. nurse heats up this device that look like a burning drill! very scared. doctor pokes around at thumb and cuts stuff from it. very grossed out at that stage. looks down. regrets looking. saw blood. feels like puking. wraps thumb. puts bandage on thumb with whisk looking device.

thumb all bandaged up. yay.

I don't actually have a problem with pain - like tattoos, piercings, etc - but seriously, blood and stuff really freaks me out. I actually get the shudders. I don't know why I ever even briefly considered medicine. YUK.

the graphic part

Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:09:07 GMT

I don't care! Whether I misconstrued his actions, or whether it was justified (I vote the latter) and whether it was right or wrong to fling my drink at him,

THE BOUNCER STILL SHOULDN'T HAVE PUNCHED MY FRIEND!

What a jerk.

Eff Metros.

I hope they sue his ass.

[[nova approves of long distance love; except where that distance is determined by a court. heehee]]